Short night. Long day running the kid’s fest booth.
One of the only really hot days of summer so far. All of us a little crispy around the edges. Good bug hunting for cats on the porch, though.
Skipped a couple of days, but bread dough is made and will be ready for baking tomorrow night, if it’s not too hot. If it is, maybe I’ll try the BBQ dutch oven method. Don’t know how that will work without a thermometer, though—I think the BBQ just has a low to high gauge.
So tired. Reading The Tiger’s Wife. Tried to start Nim Chimpsky all day, in between people, but the fest was too distracting.
Tomorrow the kids have relatives coming into town around 10 a.m. to take them out for the day, in celebration of the twins’ birthday on Monday, I guess. Aarggh, I’d like my one day to sleep in. Here’s hoping nobody has to come in to pee.
Ahh. Silence. Things stay where I’ve put them, for the most part. No questions or stories when I’m still waking up. Nobody just sitting there, staring at me. Nobody probing me for what we’re going to do next. No having to ask that the Hulu or Netflix get turned down, or off. No kicking kids out of the room so I can have a conference call. No hiding in my room just to have time to myself. No yelling. No pulling out my hair. No having to leave the house because I’m feeling stabby because nobody will pick up after themselves and I am sounding like a broken record (and channeling my mother). No having to get dressed to leave the room (it’s amazing how much I run around half-naked when there are no kids around). No doing dishes and laundry several times a day. And best of all—I went grocery shopping on Saturday—and there’s still food in the house!
On the flip side… No spontaneous hugs, no excited storytelling, no pals to go on walks or to First Friday with, no helpers for VegNet events or potlucks. No family game nights. No special cooking or baking. No general silliness. Nobody is doing art, or painting their nails, or reading Harry Potter books. Nobody is bugging me to walk up Pilot Butte.
A small reprieve… from the step-kids.
It’s the only one we get, and then they’re here for two more long months. I love having them here—and it drives me crazy to have them here. That’s family.
Tonight, familiar strangers puttering around inside my head.
Mulling about, flipping on and off the lights.
Wreaking mundane havoc.
Incoherent muttering, just off stage.
Apparently, it was Mother’s Day today. Being motherless for 20+ years and also childless, it slipped by me. In years past, if the step-kids were here they would always wish me a Happy Mother’s Day, sometimes bringing along a craft project from school. I appreciated their thoughtfulness, and yet I always felt awkward, like a fraud: A faux mom.
I guess the only true mom role I have is with my companion animals. Thank the gods for my animal family.
I’m not sure I’m ready for the double-edged life of a part-time step-parent again. All the illusion of authority and control, but none of the reality.
OK, Beez, just mellow out and be a good example. That’s all you can really do.