Category Archives: mindful52

It’s Time


A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 25

Time. Time is an interesting concept. It is real in the sense that events happen before and after one another. We can look back in time to a certain age or a certain thing that happened. But in many ways time is relative to our concept of it, which may differ from person to person. … When I think of time, I get aggravated at the time I waste. I have so many things I have to do and want to do that I always want to make the best use of my time – but when it’s wasted, I attach to the anger I feel around that and that’s something I’m constantly working on. … The phrase, “time heals all wounds” comes to mind, but I wonder how much truth there is to it. I’m not sure I believe it. Time doesn’t heal all wounds – it only passes, and time is a construct that we’ve made in our own minds anyway. It doesn’t physically exist. What matters most is what we do with our minds. Perhaps a more useful quote is this . . .“Time heals what reason cannot.”  ~Unknown

I’m not sure that I believe time heals all wounds either. I think time just makes pain more bearable by scabbing and scarring over the wound. It may become less visible, even less painful. But the wound is still there, underneath, ready to be exposed; raw, vulnerable to further damage.

I wonder, often, how it is that we are able to endure the things we endure. It takes a certain amount of denial to get through every day. A turning off of empathy, of memory, of emotion. Otherwise, we’d all be crumpled up on the floor, overwhelmed, unable to function.

But time—it does fly—I’ll give you that one. Faster and faster. My perception can’t keep up with the reality of our clocks. I’m perpetually surprised at the chunks of time that just disappear. This seems to happen more and more as I age. We all feel this happening, right?

Radio lab has done some interesting shows about time.

Not feeling so hopeful this year


A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 24

Growth. In every single thing we experience in life, we can choose to grow or stay stuck. Most of it depends on our thoughts – and our reaction to those thoughts. If we are mindful we can roll with whatever life throws at us, and in the end we grow and become more accepting (hopefully) open-minded people. … Be open. Let life happen. Roll with the punches and laugh at adversity. Grow. You can’t change what another person will or will not do. You can only control and change yourself. I’m not perfect and I’m not saying I didn’t fight it – or still don’t try to do so from time to time. Yoga and meditation are the tools I use to stop, breathe, reconnect with myself and to learn to see things as they really are. What about you?

I don’t know what to think about growth. Is it possible for me anymore? Last fall, I had more hope—this year, I feel stagnant. I tried several new things last year that I had some success with, from mountain biking to starting a radio show. This year, I tried some new things, only to have them fail miserably. After some negative career-related events earlier this year, a couple of which were extremely crushing to my confidence, I had no idea how I would recover. I of course, did recover, mostly, because you either recover and go on—or you don’t. {Although it certainly was tempting to curl up into a ball in the closet for a few weeks.} For the most part, I’ve been able to analyze these things and then let them go. {Or at least cram them down very far inside where they can fester and explode some day.}

A big reason that I’ve been able to retain any belief in my abilities this year is due to the radio show, and my other non-profit activities. Those things seem to be going quite well, so I’m not a total fuck-up, right? {That’s a rhetorical question.}

This brief moment in time


A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 23

Intention. “What was I thinking picking Intention for one of the weeks for this project? When I looked at this topic a few days ago, I thought ‘what will I ever write about? Intention is what this whole project is about.’ Intention is defined as:

  1. a determination to act in a certain way; resolve
  2. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result
  3. the end or object intended; purpose

What is it that you intend for your life? Does one topic come to mind or several? What does intention even mean to you? Have you thought about it? How can you use intention to shape your life if you don’t do so already? Explore the word – and the concept – further this week.”

My intention was to keep up with Mindful52 prompts weekly in 2011. Somehow I’ve managed to post every day, but a weekly prompt just didn’t work for me as well as daily prompts have in the past, and I never got in a good Mindful52 habit. To kick-start my lax writing habit and my non-motivated NaNoWriMo (I’ve let way too many non-profit commitments get in the way this month), I intend to work my way through the rest of the prompts this month as if they were meant to be daily.

What do I intend for the rest of my short time here (getting shorter all the time)?
Purpose. Critical Thinking. Compassion. Skepticism. Laughter. Community. Trust. Love. Respect.

Long stretches behind and ahead of us—of road, of time


A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 22

Playfulness. Mindfulness Heather says, “I must reluctantly admit I’m more serious than playful – and I SO wish that weren’t the case. I envy those who are light, airy and carefree. While I’m not dark and heavy, I do take many things in my life more seriously than necessary and can see great benefit in ‘lightening up.’ … So this week, join me in NOT TAKING THINGS SO SERIOUSLY. Find joy in play and playfulness. Live life to the fullest!”

Sounds like we’re made from the same mold. I also take myself too seriously, most of the time. I find it hard to relax, to enjoy the moment, to have fun without worrying about what is happening next, what I should be planning, or juggling. The kids are helping me with that. Sometimes they are just silly, and it’s contagious.

My youngest step-daughter likes to have contact—she’ll grab my hand, poke me, tickle me, or just hug me. I’m not naturally an exuberant, huggy person, but she’s persistent, and she wears me down. Which is a good thing.

If only I could get rid of worry and guilt, and just live. I’ve had small moments, precious glimpses. But never for long. A glimpse: Driving down a road in Scotland, having mastered the other side of the road in the rental car, good friend in tow, long stretches behind and ahead of us—of road, of time. Exploring, no firm plans. New love waiting for me back home. I was alive in that very moment.

Voices of solitude: Accuser, List Maker, and the one that says, Whoa!


A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 21

Moments of wonder—the joy of doing nothing. Solitude. In our media driven, hyped up, go-go-go world, do you consider the importance of just being? Of breathing? Of quiet contemplation? Of simplicity? It doesn’t come easily. It must be planned, cultivated and scheduled, but oh how powerful it can be! … How important is solitude to you? Do you make time for quiet moments to yourself? How can you cultivate more solitude this week as part of your life?

Craving solitude this busy step-kid-full summer. Home office moved to the master bedroom, rarely any time in any room of the house to myself.  But it’s only temporary—summer’s almost half over already!

So hard to just be. A voice in my head says, “Lazy.” Another voice says, “You need to remember to do this, and this, and then that, and don’t forget…” Another voice says, “Whoa, slow the fuck down.”

Going to go read in the bath. That’s one of the only ways I know to tune out.