Not feeling so hopeful this year

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A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 24

Growth. In every single thing we experience in life, we can choose to grow or stay stuck. Most of it depends on our thoughts – and our reaction to those thoughts. If we are mindful we can roll with whatever life throws at us, and in the end we grow and become more accepting (hopefully) open-minded people. … Be open. Let life happen. Roll with the punches and laugh at adversity. Grow. You can’t change what another person will or will not do. You can only control and change yourself. I’m not perfect and I’m not saying I didn’t fight it – or still don’t try to do so from time to time. Yoga and meditation are the tools I use to stop, breathe, reconnect with myself and to learn to see things as they really are. What about you?

I don’t know what to think about growth. Is it possible for me anymore? Last fall, I had more hope—this year, I feel stagnant. I tried several new things last year that I had some success with, from mountain biking to starting a radio show. This year, I tried some new things, only to have them fail miserably. After some negative career-related events earlier this year, a couple of which were extremely crushing to my confidence, I had no idea how I would recover. I of course, did recover, mostly, because you either recover and go on—or you don’t. {Although it certainly was tempting to curl up into a ball in the closet for a few weeks.} For the most part, I’ve been able to analyze these things and then let them go. {Or at least cram them down very far inside where they can fester and explode some day.}

A big reason that I’ve been able to retain any belief in my abilities this year is due to the radio show, and my other non-profit activities. Those things seem to be going quite well, so I’m not a total fuck-up, right? {That’s a rhetorical question.}

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