A Natural Disconnect

A Year of Mindfulness: 52 Weeks of Focus – Week 17

Nature. This week as you contemplate nature, think of all it has to teach us. Think of how it provides for us. But move beyond that to realize you are a beautiful creation of nature as well. Move beyond the thought of nature only being outside of us. What is the nature of your Self? How can you be more in tune with your inherent nature? How can you allow your beautiful self to just be? How can you be in a state of allowing? How can you inherently shine?

I feel very disconnected from nature lately (and from my natural self). I’m barely spending any time outside and I’m letting my work and family responsibilities overwhelm me. Every time I look outside at my garden which never got off the ground this year, and I think of the days I used to spend hiking, birding, and traveling, I feel disappointment, disconnection, and even shame, for not doing what I love to do. It was so much easier when 1. It was just me, and 2. There was money and time to spare—for taking days off for hikes, volunteering, travelling, supplies.

It feels like I have so much less time this summer. Last summer I went mountain biking, did yoga (in the beginning, anyway), grew a garden, painted a house, hung out with my hubby and animals, and worked. This summer I’ve… worked on the radio show, hung out with my step-kids, hubby, and animals, and worked. What’s missing? Nature, outdoor exercise, time to myself, time for contemplation, time away from the computer, non-stressful work. I need to find ways to resolve this before I lose myself.

What I *should* be doing

Sometimes I just need a long weekend to check out and do nothing but re-henna my hair while getting a little sun (a little too much on my legs—oops—was careful to sunscreen my face, but not my haven’t-seen-the-sun-much-this-year legs), watch the odd documentary, and catch up on some reading, while for the most part staying the hell away from the laptop.

I still manage to beat myself up a little, though. Do you ever feel guilty for taking it easy? I should be working on my garden, I should be hiking, I should be making a grocery budget, I should be birding, I should be mountain biking, I should be working on the radio show, I should be looking at those training materials, I should be cleaning the house, I should be leafleting, I should be finding a yoga studio, I should be blogging, I should be figuring out a way to take a vacation someday or do some traveling again, I should be figuring out a way to make some extra money, I should be calling my Dad, I should be calling up that old friend, I should be reading that book, I should be writing, I should be taking Ruby to the dog park, I should be finding us a new bank, I should be… {fill in the blank}!

I’ve heard those voices this weekend, but so far I’ve been able to acknowledge them and then let them go. I do believe that I need time once in a while for my mind to reset and regroup. {But even knowing that I need down-time, I still feel guilty about taking it—we all hear stories about the most “successful” people who only sleep 4 hours a day and are constantly creating and building fabulous things.} What is the secret to success, or creativity, and which should I work towards? What is the truth that I’m looking for? What do I want from this life? Will I find it in bursts of frenetic activity punctuated by rare moments of doing (almost) nothing? Somehow I have a hunch, that if I find it at all, it will be during the latter time.

Inspired once again by Ignite Bend

Tonight, I was inspired once again by Ignite Bend. One of my favorite presentations was Brian Tomkin’s How to turn your kid into a Rock Star! It was so sincere, yet engaging and funny. Check out the band Brian formed with his daughter, The Blue Eyed Maniacs.

Another great 5 minutes was spent with Bill Warburton, where he spoke with such enthusiasm about Cyclocross in Bend, that he had me thinking, “I should do that.” (Of course, that was crazy talk. I’m barely past the beginner stage of mountain biking.)

And Cassandra Schindler talked clothing/cultural experiment with such passion that she almost had the audience tearing up along with her.

All of tonight’s great Ignite Bend presentations will soon be available online.

At the core

#reverb10

reflect on this year and manifest what’s next

Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

I’m a little self-reflected out. Good thing it’s the last day of reverb10. Happy New Year (thank the gods).

Reverb Recap:

• Gimme time
• Re-reverb: loss, ad naseum
• Oh, to be a morning person, bounding out of bed, smile plastered ear to ear
• Happy happy joy joy
• Unforgettable vegan soul food
• Stealing my soul
• Okely dokely
• Emem Neophytos Ameretat Korbinian Sissinnguaq
• Travel; a lifetime ago
• Dear current-past self, love future-current self
• Beyond avoidance
• Rip off the band-aid, fast
• Next year
• Still, hope?
• Friendly perspective
• 5 minutes
• Sticktoitiveness
• In the works
• Cohesive me
• 11 things
• No decision at all
• What party?
• What’s the diff?
• Discovering community
• Make me
• Letting it go
• I Wendy- I Wanda- I wonder…
• One alive moment
• My short list
• Resilience, Yes

Happy happy joy joy

#reverb10
reflect on this year and manifest what’s next

Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I dislike the word Joy. It’s almost as bad as Happy. It seems that it’s only used when expressing lofty, fake, ironic, antiquated, or religious ideas. Quick, use joy, joyful, or joyous in a sentence describing your actual life—while keeping a straight face. Look at how unpopular the word is now.

This has been a year of surviving, of maintaining, and also of trying new things. I would describe none of these as joyous (or even as great delight or happiness, keen pleasure, or elation). I guess in describing 2010 good moments, I’ll have to settle for satisfied, pleased, excited, content, proud. Two moments that stood out: learning to mountain bike this summer and completing my first radio show.